London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Friday, Sep 11, 2026

My neighbours are breaking the rules - what should I say?

My neighbours are breaking the rules - what should I say?

Your neighbours are having parties and their mates are over all the time. Boris Johnson has urged neighbours to speak to each other about breaking the rules on social gatherings before involving the police. But what exactly do you say when you knock on that door?

While it can be daunting, psychotherapist and mediator Dr Mike Talbot recommends talking in person to try to resolve the situation amicably, rather than putting hostile notes through letterboxes.

"People tend to shy away from these conversations and leave it too long so they've become furious and then it's too late" he says.

Conflict resolution expert Louisa Weinstein agrees it's important to rein in your emotions.

"Try not to take in old resentments - leave them at the door," she says. "If you feel angry it's really important to take a moment to just take a breath and try and have some empathy for the other person. Then there is less danger of things escalating and making the relationship with your neighbour worse."

She says it's best to try to understand why they might be breaking the rules. For some the guidance isn't clear, she says, but there could be other reasons to consider.

"[Some people] don't see it as a risk, others see the risk to their mental health as more important, others feel they may not be with their families for many more years if they've got elderly relatives and they want to make the most of things while they can.

"It's really important that even if you disagree with the other person, to just think about where they might be coming from."



It's a good idea to agree a convenient time to have a chat, which probably means after the gathering has finished, Dr Talbot adds.

He recommends using a conversational tone, perhaps asking people if they were aware of the rules, and listening to their perspective first.

"You can wade in and start telling people off and being bossy but you're likely to get a short answer and it does tend to rise to quite a high temperature conflict," he says.

It's important to remember the basics, Dr Talbot says, like not raising your voice or getting too close and avoid using words like "should" or "ought" as this can create the dynamic of a parent telling a child off.

It's also best to tackle the situation alone if possible to avoid appearing threatening, he says, and definitely don't gang up against one person with a group of other neighbours.

When it comes to putting your perspective across, Mrs Weinstein says it's about explaining the impact their actions are having on you.

"For example, you could say 'I've noticed that you are having more than six people round to your house. When you do that I feel very nervous and upset because I feel that it is putting people at risk'," she says.

"You can't make anyone do anything but if you are human about it you can probably make them see your perspective and give them the opportunity to change their behaviour."


Dr Talbot says it's best to have a conversation in person - at a safe distance


However, if the person does react in an aggressive way, Dr Talbot says, you can try depersonalising the conflict. "Say it's not about you, it's about the situation we're all trying to manage here," he says.

And if it gets to the point where you feel unsafe it's always best to walk away, Mrs Weinstein advises.

Dr Talbot says similar advice can be applied if talking to strangers who are meeting in large groups in public.

But ultimately the conversation will be easier if you already have a relationship with the person, he says. So try to pre-empt any issues by doing your best to get to know your neighbours.

"Some people have never spoken to their neighbours before a conflict blows up," he says. "It's always better to have a conversation before you have a conflict because then if you do have a disagreement at least you've got a bedrock to build on.

"Don't let your first conversation with your neighbour be when you're having a conflict with them."

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
John Lewis Partnership Loss Widens to £124 Million
UK Government to Put White Working-Class Social Mobility at Centre of Equality Policy
McLaren Plans £450 Million Technology Investment Creating 1,000 UK Jobs
UK Chancellor Faces Calls for Wealth Taxes and Public Ownership in Autumn Budget
English Mayors to Gain Powers to Impose Uncapped Overnight Tourist Taxes
JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon Warns UK Government Against Bank Windfall Taxes
UK Air Traffic Control Outage Cancels More Than 2,000 Flights
UK Imposes Trade Ban on Israeli Settlements in the West Bank
UK Borrowing Costs Surge as Middle East Tensions Push Long-Term Gilt Yields to Highest Since 1998
Buckingham Palace Says Prince Harry and Meghan Will Not Resume Official Royal Duties
UK Treasury Faces Calls to Scrap £100,000 Childcare Support Threshold
Trades Union Congress Urges Labour Government to Rewrite Migration Policy
Riot Police Deployed After Anti-Migrant Protests Turn Violent in Portsmouth
UK Considers Replacing Some Disability Cash Payments With Direct Services
JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon Warns UK Chancellor Against Higher Banking Taxes
UK Announces New Sanctions Targeting Israeli Settlements in West Bank
Metropolitan Police Investigate Alleged Illegal Donations to Reform UK
UK Charges Wiltshire Man With Assisting Russian Intelligence
UK Orders Urgent Review After Air Traffic Failure Cancels More Than 2,000 Flights
Merz Rebukes AfD Expansion in Saxony-Anhalt
King Charles Confirms Prince Harry and Meghan Will Remain Private Citizens
Labour Selects Former Child Refugee for By-Election in Keir Starmer’s Former Seat
Foreign Private Equity Accelerates Takeovers of London-Listed Industrial Companies
NHS Maternity Care Faces Scrutiny Over Support for Mothers After Caesarean Births
BBC Warns Staff Strikes Are Likely Amid Job Cuts and Programme Cancellations
English Housing Affordability Improves to Best Level in More Than a Decade
UK Health Commission Proposes Framework for Wider AI Adoption Across NHS
Labour Faces Pressure for Wealth Tax Ahead of Autumn Budget
Metropolitan Police Open Criminal Investigation Into Alleged Foreign Donations to Reform UK
UK Police Deploy Riot Officers After Anti-Immigration Unrest in Portsmouth and Dover
UK Defends Sanctions on Israeli Settlements Despite Diplomatic Retaliation
UK Air Traffic Control Failure Cancels More Than 1,000 Flights and Disrupts 65,000 Passengers
Compass Urges £10 Million Wealth Tax and Public Ownership Ahead of UK Autumn Budget
UK Government’s Devolution Plans Face House of Lords Scrutiny
Maldives Seeks New Chagos Sovereignty Talks With UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham
UK Airports Face Continuing Disruption After National Air Traffic Control Failure
UK Bans Imports From Israeli Settlements and Expands Sanctions on Iran
British Chambers of Commerce Forecasts UK Growth of 1% as Investment Remains Weak
UK Suspends Local Government Reorganisation Decisions and Cancels Planned Shadow Authority Polls
UK Parliament Opens Inquiry Into Gaps in Climate Change Preparedness
Andy Burnham and Xi Jinping Hold Talks on Trade, Security and British Consular Cases
UK Joins France, Canada and Other Nations in Measures Against Israeli West Bank Settlements
UK Announces New Sanctions Targeting Iranian Nuclear and Military Networks
British Chambers of Commerce Calls for Business Rate Reform and Productivity Support
UK Farmers Warn Dry Summer Could Reduce Crop Yields and Push Up Food Prices
UK Rail Networks Hit by Widespread Delays After Major Signalling Failures
Matt Clifford Resigns as ARIA Chair After Conflict-of-Interest Scrutiny
UK and France Say Joint Border Operations Have Prevented More Than 48,000 Irregular Channel Crossings
UK Core Inflation Remains Above Expectations as Utility and Commodity Costs Stay Elevated
Jaguar Land Rover Considers Up to 4,000 UK Job Cuts Amid Automotive Industry Pressure
×