London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Sunday, Aug 02, 2026

My neighbours are breaking the rules - what should I say?

My neighbours are breaking the rules - what should I say?

Your neighbours are having parties and their mates are over all the time. Boris Johnson has urged neighbours to speak to each other about breaking the rules on social gatherings before involving the police. But what exactly do you say when you knock on that door?

While it can be daunting, psychotherapist and mediator Dr Mike Talbot recommends talking in person to try to resolve the situation amicably, rather than putting hostile notes through letterboxes.

"People tend to shy away from these conversations and leave it too long so they've become furious and then it's too late" he says.

Conflict resolution expert Louisa Weinstein agrees it's important to rein in your emotions.

"Try not to take in old resentments - leave them at the door," she says. "If you feel angry it's really important to take a moment to just take a breath and try and have some empathy for the other person. Then there is less danger of things escalating and making the relationship with your neighbour worse."

She says it's best to try to understand why they might be breaking the rules. For some the guidance isn't clear, she says, but there could be other reasons to consider.

"[Some people] don't see it as a risk, others see the risk to their mental health as more important, others feel they may not be with their families for many more years if they've got elderly relatives and they want to make the most of things while they can.

"It's really important that even if you disagree with the other person, to just think about where they might be coming from."



It's a good idea to agree a convenient time to have a chat, which probably means after the gathering has finished, Dr Talbot adds.

He recommends using a conversational tone, perhaps asking people if they were aware of the rules, and listening to their perspective first.

"You can wade in and start telling people off and being bossy but you're likely to get a short answer and it does tend to rise to quite a high temperature conflict," he says.

It's important to remember the basics, Dr Talbot says, like not raising your voice or getting too close and avoid using words like "should" or "ought" as this can create the dynamic of a parent telling a child off.

It's also best to tackle the situation alone if possible to avoid appearing threatening, he says, and definitely don't gang up against one person with a group of other neighbours.

When it comes to putting your perspective across, Mrs Weinstein says it's about explaining the impact their actions are having on you.

"For example, you could say 'I've noticed that you are having more than six people round to your house. When you do that I feel very nervous and upset because I feel that it is putting people at risk'," she says.

"You can't make anyone do anything but if you are human about it you can probably make them see your perspective and give them the opportunity to change their behaviour."


Dr Talbot says it's best to have a conversation in person - at a safe distance


However, if the person does react in an aggressive way, Dr Talbot says, you can try depersonalising the conflict. "Say it's not about you, it's about the situation we're all trying to manage here," he says.

And if it gets to the point where you feel unsafe it's always best to walk away, Mrs Weinstein advises.

Dr Talbot says similar advice can be applied if talking to strangers who are meeting in large groups in public.

But ultimately the conversation will be easier if you already have a relationship with the person, he says. So try to pre-empt any issues by doing your best to get to know your neighbours.

"Some people have never spoken to their neighbours before a conflict blows up," he says. "It's always better to have a conversation before you have a conflict because then if you do have a disagreement at least you've got a bedrock to build on.

"Don't let your first conversation with your neighbour be when you're having a conflict with them."

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
Finland Deploys Commercial-Scale Thermal Batteries Using Crushed Rock to Store Renewable Grid Energy
Valued at $109 Million: F-35B Fighter Jet Crashes in Southern California
Sainsbury Agrees to Sell Argos in £120 Million Deal to Private Consortium
High Court Clears Way for Construction of Chinese Embassy at Royal Mint Court
UK Fuel Prices Climb to Multi-Month Highs as Strait of Hormuz Tensions Disrupt Oil Supplies
Severe Summer Drought and Record Heat Put UK Harvests at Risk
Prime Minister Andy Burnham Faces Labour Backbench Opposition Over Potential Support for New North Sea Oil and Gas Drilling
Bank of England Warns Inflation Will Stay Above 3% as Middle East Energy Shock Prolongs Cost-of-Living Pressures
Andy Burnham has Announces Plans to Redistribute Income Tax Revenue to English Mayors
Early-Release Scheme Faces Fresh Scrutiny as Reoffending and Prison Recalls Rise
Police Phone Checks Followed Report on Murder of MI5 Agent Inside Sinn Féin
Archbishop of Canterbury Reaffirms £100 Million Reparative Justice Fund During Ghana Visit
Charities Allege French Police Used Tear Gas Against Channel Migrants
Norwegian Teenager Convicted Over Iran-Linked Murder Plot in Britain
Christian Organisations File Charity Complaints Against Amnesty International UK
Ofgem Tightens Grid Connection Rules for New Data Centres
FTSE 100 Reaches Record High Despite Global Technology Sell-Off
Millions of UK Households Urged to Check Eligibility for Winter Energy Discount
Labour Restores Parliamentary Whips to Diane Abbott and Joani Reid
UK Supreme Court to Hear Challenge Over Palestine Action Ban
UK Commits More Than £8.4 Billion to Dreadnought Nuclear Submarine Programme
England Declares Severe Drought as Wildfire Burns Near Sizewell Nuclear Site
Bank of England Holds Interest Rates at 3.75% as Middle East Tensions Fuel Inflation Risks
Drought Status Extended Across All of Wales as Heat and Dry Weather Deepen Environmental Strain
Record-Low Danube Exposes Probable Mammoth Remains in Bulgaria
UK Business Confidence Climbs to Four-Month High
Greater Manchester Gains Expanded Powers Under Regional Funding Reforms
UK Supreme Court to Hear Appeal Over Palestine Action Terror Ban
Shell's Quarterly Profit Doubles to Nearly $10 Billion on Higher Energy Prices
UK Government Removes VAT From Household Electricity Bills
Exceptional Drought Grips Half of England as Wildfire Threatens Sizewell
Bank of England Holds Interest Rates at 3.75% as Inflation Risks Persist
US Says It Has Carried Out Heavy Strikes on Iran After Attempted Attacks on Its Forces
The chief executive of the popular gaming company laid off many employees and his pay rose to 38 million dollars
UK Employment Holds Steady as Wage Growth Remains Moderate
England to Introduce Artificial Intelligence into Secondary School Curriculum
Wales Launches £1.2 Billion Industrial Regeneration Programme
High Court Upholds UK Digital Surveillance Framework
Northern Ireland Reaches Budget Agreement on Infrastructure and Public Sector Pay
Home Office Expands Digital Border Checks Nationwide
UK Approves Major North Sea Wind and Carbon Capture Project
The World's Most Terrifying Smartphone: Recording, Documenting, and Reporting to the Regime
Scotland Approves Major Renewable Energy Expansion
UK and United States Sign AI and Semiconductor Cooperation Pact
UK Treasury Tightens Fiscal Controls After Gilt Market Volatility
Bank of England Holds Interest Rates at 4.5%
UK Unveils £10 Billion NHS Funding Overhaul and Workforce Reform
The AI User Nightmare: Private Claude Conversations Leaked to the Internet
UK: Former Football Association Leaders Call for World Cup Boycott Over FIFA Privatization Plan
Forbidden Love: China severs millions from their virtual partners
×