London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Saturday, Feb 21, 2026

My neighbours are breaking the rules - what should I say?

My neighbours are breaking the rules - what should I say?

Your neighbours are having parties and their mates are over all the time. Boris Johnson has urged neighbours to speak to each other about breaking the rules on social gatherings before involving the police. But what exactly do you say when you knock on that door?

While it can be daunting, psychotherapist and mediator Dr Mike Talbot recommends talking in person to try to resolve the situation amicably, rather than putting hostile notes through letterboxes.

"People tend to shy away from these conversations and leave it too long so they've become furious and then it's too late" he says.

Conflict resolution expert Louisa Weinstein agrees it's important to rein in your emotions.

"Try not to take in old resentments - leave them at the door," she says. "If you feel angry it's really important to take a moment to just take a breath and try and have some empathy for the other person. Then there is less danger of things escalating and making the relationship with your neighbour worse."

She says it's best to try to understand why they might be breaking the rules. For some the guidance isn't clear, she says, but there could be other reasons to consider.

"[Some people] don't see it as a risk, others see the risk to their mental health as more important, others feel they may not be with their families for many more years if they've got elderly relatives and they want to make the most of things while they can.

"It's really important that even if you disagree with the other person, to just think about where they might be coming from."



It's a good idea to agree a convenient time to have a chat, which probably means after the gathering has finished, Dr Talbot adds.

He recommends using a conversational tone, perhaps asking people if they were aware of the rules, and listening to their perspective first.

"You can wade in and start telling people off and being bossy but you're likely to get a short answer and it does tend to rise to quite a high temperature conflict," he says.

It's important to remember the basics, Dr Talbot says, like not raising your voice or getting too close and avoid using words like "should" or "ought" as this can create the dynamic of a parent telling a child off.

It's also best to tackle the situation alone if possible to avoid appearing threatening, he says, and definitely don't gang up against one person with a group of other neighbours.

When it comes to putting your perspective across, Mrs Weinstein says it's about explaining the impact their actions are having on you.

"For example, you could say 'I've noticed that you are having more than six people round to your house. When you do that I feel very nervous and upset because I feel that it is putting people at risk'," she says.

"You can't make anyone do anything but if you are human about it you can probably make them see your perspective and give them the opportunity to change their behaviour."


Dr Talbot says it's best to have a conversation in person - at a safe distance


However, if the person does react in an aggressive way, Dr Talbot says, you can try depersonalising the conflict. "Say it's not about you, it's about the situation we're all trying to manage here," he says.

And if it gets to the point where you feel unsafe it's always best to walk away, Mrs Weinstein advises.

Dr Talbot says similar advice can be applied if talking to strangers who are meeting in large groups in public.

But ultimately the conversation will be easier if you already have a relationship with the person, he says. So try to pre-empt any issues by doing your best to get to know your neighbours.

"Some people have never spoken to their neighbours before a conflict blows up," he says. "It's always better to have a conversation before you have a conflict because then if you do have a disagreement at least you've got a bedrock to build on.

"Don't let your first conversation with your neighbour be when you're having a conflict with them."

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
UK Confirms Preferential U.S. Trading Terms Will Continue After Supreme Court Tariff Ruling
U.S. and U.K. to Hold Talks on Diego Garcia as Iran Objects to Potential Military Use
UK Officials Weigh Possible Changes to Prince Andrew’s Position in Line of Succession Amid Ongoing Scrutiny
British Police Probe Epstein’s UK Airport Links and Expand High-Profile Inquiries
United Kingdom Denies U.S. Access to Military Base for Potential Iran Strike
British Co-founder of ASOS falls to his death from Pattaya apartment
Early 2026 Data Suggests Tentative Recovery for UK Businesses and Households
UK Introduces Digital-First Passport Rules for Dual Citizens in Border Control Overhaul
Unable to Access Live Financial Data for January UK Surplus Report
UK Government Considers Law to Remove Prince Andrew from Royal Line of Succession
UK ‘Working Closely with US’ to Assess Impact of Supreme Court Tariff Ruling
Trump Criticises UK Decision to Restrict Use of Bases in Potential Iran Strike Scenario
UK Foreign Secretary and U.S. State Chief Hold Strategic Talks as Tensions Rise Over Joint Air Base
Two teens arrested in France for alleged terror plot.
Nordic Fracture: How Criminal Scandals and Toxic Ties are Dismantling the Norwegian Crown
US Supreme Court Voids Trump’s Emergency Tariff Plan, Reshaping Trade Power and Fiscal Risk
King Charles III Opens London Fashion Week as Royal Family Faces Fresh Scrutiny
Trump’s Evolving Stance on UK Chagos Islands Deal Draws Renewed Scrutiny
House Democrat Says Former UK Ambassador Unable to Testify in Congressional Epstein Inquiry
No Record of Prince Andrew Arrest in UK as Claims Circulate Online
UK Has Not Granted US Approval to Launch Iran Strikes from RAF Bases, Government Confirms
AI Pricing Pressure Mounts as Chinese Models Undercut US Rivals and Margin Risks Grow
Global Counsel, Advisory Firm Co-Founded by Lord Mandelson, Enters Administration After Client Exodus
London High Court dispute over Ricardo Salinas’s $400mn Elektra share-backed bitcoin loan
UK Intensifies Efforts to Secure Saudi Investment in Next-Generation Fighter Jet Programme
Former Student Files Civil Claim Against UK Authorities After Rape Charges Against Peers Are Dropped
Archer Aviation Chooses Bristol for New UK Engineering Hub to Drive Electric Air Taxi Expansion
UK Sees Surge in Medical Device Testing as Government Pushes Global Competitiveness
UK Competition Watchdog Flags Concerns Over Proposed Getty Images–Shutterstock Merger
Trump Reasserts Opposition to UK Chagos Islands Proposal, Urges Stronger Strategic Alignment
Greek Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis advocates for a ban on minors using social media.
Liberal Senator Michaelia Cash Accuses Prime Minister of Lying to Australians
Meanwhile in Time Square, NYC One of the most famous landmarks
Jensen Huang just told the story of how Elon Musk became NVIDIA’s very first customer for their powerful AI supercomputer
A Lunar New Year event in Taiwan briefly came to a halt after a temple official standing beside President Lai Ching‑te suddenly vomited, splashing Lai’s clothing
Jillian Michaels reveals Bill Gates’ $55 million investment in mRNA vaccines turned into over $1 billion.
Ex-Prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's arrested
Former British Prince Andrew Arrested on Suspicion of Misconduct in Public Office
Four Chagos Islanders Establish Permanent Settlement on Atoll
Unitree Robotics founder Wang Xingxing showcases future robot deployment during Spring Festival Gala.
UK Inflation Slows Sharply in January, Strengthening Case for Bank of England Rate Cut
Hide the truth, fake the facts, pretend the opposite, Britain is as usual
France President Macron says Free Speech is Bull Sh!t
Viktor Orbán getting massive praise for keeping Hungary safe, rich and migrant-free!
UK Inflation Falls to Ten-Month Low, Markets Anticipate Interest Rate Cut
UK House Prices Climb 2.4% in December as Market Shows Signs of Stabilisation
BAE Systems Predicts Sustained Expansion as Defence Orders Reach Record High
Pro-Palestine Activists Cleared of Burglary Charges Over Break-In at UK Israeli Arms Facility
Former Reform UK Councillors Form New Local Group Amid Party Fragmentation
Reform UK Pledges to Retain Britain’s Budget Watchdog as It Seeks Broader Economic Credibility
×