London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Friday, May 09, 2025

Guide To Office Romance In 2023: When It Goes Wrong (And Right)

Guide To Office Romance In 2023: When It Goes Wrong (And Right)

Despite the delicate and potentially difficult consequences of love at work, office romances became common in the 20th Century as women moved into the workplace, and as jobs became a more significant part of people's lives and identities.
When Polly Arrowsmith needed to take time off from her IT company to care for her dying mother, she asked one of her workers to help out in her absence. She had one big task for him to take care of while she was gone: Let go an underperforming member of staff before a certain date, when redundancy payments would become mandatory.

He initially agreed, but failed to mention one thing: He was in a secret relationship with the employee.

When Arrowsmith returned to work a few months later, she was shocked to find that the firing hadn't happened. Her employee couldn't bring himself to fire the woman he loved — which meant that Arrowsmith needed to do it, and stump up thousands of pounds for a redundancy payout, too.

"It was a big betrayal of trust and I felt like an idiot because a lot of my staff knew and I didn't," said Arrowsmith.

Why we love office romances

Despite the delicate and potentially difficult consequences of love at work, office romances became common in the 20th Century as women moved into the workplace, and as jobs became a more significant part of people's lives and identities.

As many as one in four American workers had been in an office romance by the mid-1990s according to a poll quoted in a research paper by researchers then at the University of Northern Colorado. In 1995, the Los Angeles Times called office romances "a fact of company life," noting that AT&T had more than 8,000 married couples among its 250,000 US employees.

And not all office romances were within marriages — offices became the "danger zone" for illicit affairs, according to one relationship counsellor in her 2004 book. She wrote that in the years leading up to 1990, 38% of the cheating wives she treated were seeing someone from work. That figure rose to 50% in the 1990s.

It's not so different in the UK. A 2022 survey found that one in four admitted to having a "romantic encounter" with a colleague. "Collecting the stats made me realize it's not something that's isolated to a particular industry or sector, it happens everywhere," said Tina Chander, head of employment law at Wright Hassall, a law firm based in Royal Leamington Spa that compiled the numbers.

When the relationships go well, there may even be reasons for businesses to encourage them — research shows that finding love at work can make people enjoy their jobs more, improve morale and boost productivity.

This happy prevalence of office romances is echoed by Emma Hollingsworth, 36, who met her husband Richard, 37, on the third day of their accountancy graduate scheme in the City of London 15 years ago. "We were sat next to each other in a training course and I thought he was really funny," she said.

Working together over the next few years made her job far more pleasant, as the couple — who today have three children — could talk over their work instant message system and sync up their schedules. "We could get up, go to the gym together, have breakfast and then go into the office together," she said. "It made the commute so nice and you could have lunch together."

However, there are signs that the office romance might be fading in popularity. While 21% of Americans aged 50-64 met their partner at work, just 13% of people 18-29 did so, according to the Pew Research Center. Perhaps this is not a surprise, given today there are myriad ways to meet a date. Indeed, a fifth of the younger age group met their partner online, according to the study.

Cultural changes have shaken office relationships, as well. The MeToo movement challenged perceptions of what's acceptable in the workplace, and even consensual relationships are now deemed inappropriate on many occasions. Cases in point: McDonald's Corp. CEO Steve Easterbrook was fired in November 2019 over a consensual worker relationship as it violated company policy. In February 2022, CNN President Jeff Zucker quit after a years-long consensual relationship with a colleague was unveiled.

Think through the risks first

Horror stories about workplace romances are common enough that there are entire companies set up to help mitigate the business risk of trysts. Andy Coley runs Professional Boundaries, a training organization that does most of its business by mopping up after something has gone badly wrong in a relationship at work.

In one case, he was brought in by a charity to deal with the aftermath of an office love triangle: a woman married to one coworker — but pregnant with the baby of another.

"People can have affairs if [they] want, but when all three people work in the company, and one about to go off on maternity leave, then the two others left behind?" he said. "You could lose 20% of your workforce in one go from that love triangle."

The biggest piece of advice in his sessions is encouraging staff to think through the potential pitfalls of acting on an office crush, and making sure the connection is strong enough to warrant pursuing it. He asks them to consider questions of themselves, including: "What is it about this person that I'm really attracted to? And would it be true if we weren't working together?"

As long as they pass those tests, Coley isn't against dating someone you encounter at work — after all, that's how he met his wife.

Can I stop my employees dating?

Coley said that relationships at work are basically inevitable, given the long periods of time you spend together, and the occasionally difficult situations.

"In organizations with lots of staff you just will get relationships," he said. "I'm doing [a course] at a school in July with 120 staff and I guarantee you that some of the people in that room will be in relationships with each other."

If you're a boss concerned about the risks of workplace love, it might be tempting to wish that you could stamp them out entirely. But this is difficult to do legally in the UK, says Matt Gingell, an employment lawyer. "It's important to be aware of the Human Rights Act," he said. "People do have a right to privacy and family life, and employers need to be aware of that right."

But it might be "proportionate" to have a disclosure policy, where employees are asked to tell their bosses about significant intimate relationships with colleagues, as long the situation is handled carefully and fairly. He gave an example: "If a senior male manager was having an affair with the junior female employee, they can't be discriminatory in trying to force the woman to change [her job]."

Gingell added that any negative effects of office romances can be managed under existing policies. "If an employee's performance is suffering and is maybe because of, for example, relationship issues, then an employer is entitled to go down performance procedures," he said.

The difficulties of dating your employee — or your boss

Dating someone you manage, or someone who manages you, is very likely to cause problems, said Rachael Gunn, an operations consultant who works on conflict of interest policies, because it can lead to perceived unfairness.

"There have been instances where we've had to sit down with them and say because of the nature of the relationship you have it's not appropriate to continue in those roles, and we'd encourage them to come up with solutions," she said.

However, simply forcing people out of roles because of a relationship would be very difficult unless you could prove the unfairness, she said.

Arrowsmith's experience with her errant worker showed how far those issues of unfairness can go when a boss and an employee get together. But that might not matter in the long run for that couple, she said.

"They ended up getting married and they're still together as far as I'm aware," she said. "It must have been worth it if you find your life partner that way."
Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
Historic Papal Conclave Set to Commence in Rome
Huge Copper, Gold, and Silver Discovery in Argentina and Chile — But the Profits Go Abroad
Prince Harry is pleading for reconciliation — but the royals are just as sick of his victimhood as everyone else
The Road to Freedom: She Protested Putin, Escaped House Arrest, and Survived a 2,800-Kilometer Journey
OpenAI's Flip-Flop: No Longer Going Commercial, Back to Nonprofit, After Musk Lawsuit and Backlash
“Trump Supporter” Aims to Bring a MAGA-Style Shift to Romania
First From China: Zhao Xintong Wins the Snooker World Championship
Nvidia Faces Billion-Dollar Losses – Warns: China Is on Its Way to Becoming an AI Superpower
Trump Rules Out Third Term, Names JD Vance and Marco Rubio as Potential Successors
Mexico Says ‘No’ to U.S. Troops: President Sheinbaum Rejects Trump’s Offer to Fight Cartels
Nigel Farage’s Reform UK Storms the Map, Wrecking the Two-Party Monopoly
DOGE: Reimagining Government Operations with AI
Common Sense Returns to Britain's Legal System: UK Supreme Court Declares a Woman Is… a Woman
Beijing Says U.S. Is ‘Reaching Out’ for Tariff Talks Amid Soaring Trade Tensions
U.K. Court Rejects Prince Harry’s Final Appeal Over Police Security
Prince Harry’s Heartfelt Outburst Rocks the Royal Family
Trump Shares AI-Generated Image of Himself as… Pope, Prompting Outrage Reaction
Transgender Swimmer Secures Five Gold Medals at U.S. Masters Championship
Prince Harry: “I Want Reconciliation with My Family”
Germany's Alternative für Deutschland (AfD) party has now been officially labeled “right-wing extremist” by the federal office for the so-called “protection of the constitution.”
Amazon Launches Satellite Internet Service Amidst Competition with SpaceX
Transformative Changes in Women's Wrestling: The Rise of WWE Superstars
The Rush to the White Gold: Global Investment Surge in Natural Hydrogen Exploration
This is a day in Spain without electricity and internet
Reform UK Surprises in British Elections, Challenging Traditional Two-Party System
180-Year-Old Christian University in South Carolina Announces Closure Due to Unmet $6 Million Fundraising Goal
Brazilian Woman Jailed for Fourteen Years for Writing “You Lost, Idiot” on Statue During Protest
Trump Administration Removes National Security Adviser Mike Waltz Amid Signal Chat Controversy
Dutch Politician Eva Vlaardingerbroek Receives Spyware Threat Alert from Apple
Paramount Board Considers Settlement in Trump’s $20 Billion Lawsuit Over "60 Minutes" Interview
U.S. Economy Shrink in Trump’s First Quarter as Tariff Policy Raises Questions
Deadline Looms for RTS Meter Replacement: Hundreds of Thousands at Risk of Heating Disruption
Sweden Grapples with Deadly Gun Violence: Suspect Arrested After Three Young Men Killed in Uppsala Hair Salon
Walz Reveals Why Harris Chose Him as Her Running Mate and Reflects on Democratic Losses
Spain Restores Power After Unprecedented Nationwide Blackout
Carney Secures Liberal Mandate in Canada’s Federal Election
Death Penalty Sought as Luigi Manion Pleads Not Guilty in CEO Murder Case
President Trump contacts Jeff Bezos after reports of Amazon considering listing tariff surcharges; company clarifies no such plan for main platform
Spain and Portugal Recover from Massive Blackout
Liverpool Clinches Record-Equalling 20th English League Title Under Arne Slot
Singapore Politicians Warn Against Foreign Interference in Election
Driver Ploughs into Vancouver Festival Crowd, Killing Nine
Depression, Fear of Defamation, and a Tragic End: New Details on Virginia Giuffre’s Suicide
“Sharia for UK, Allah Akbar!”
Massive Explosion at Iran's Bandar Abbas Port Linked to Suspicious Chemical Shipments
Incident Reflection: A Harsh Reality Check
Pakistani migrants to Danish man: “ “We have 5 children while you have 1 or 2. In 10 years, there will be more Pakistanis than Danes here.“
Clashes Erupt in London as Tensions Rise Between Indian and Pakistani Communities
Specialized anti-drone weapons deployed among security personnel Ahead of Papal Funeral
How do you fix this culture?
×