London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Wednesday, Sep 17, 2025

Everyone is leaving London – and other lessons I've learned trying to move house

Everyone is leaving London – and other lessons I've learned trying to move house

Why be in a city centre when nothing’s happening there, and where should you be when civilisation ends? Covid-19 has turned the housing market into an existential crisis, writes Guardian columnist Zoe Williams
I went into lockdown feeling smug about almost nothing, except one small thing: right after it, whenever that was, we were going to move house. We had a buyer, we had a seller and the best bit was they were one and the same. We were basically swapping houses – no, sorry, this is the best bit – with a vicar.

It had been a winding, perilous road. In our first meeting (location: his house), knowing his calling, I tried to sound much more Christian than I am. But men of the cloth can always smell it when you do that. The second and third meetings (location: our house), I answered the door in a towel and in pyjamas, respectively; looking back, there wasn’t a single time I was appropriately dressed in this entire long-range encounter, except when visiting his house.

For our fourth meeting, his wife made us some banana bread that was so daunting I hid some of it in my pocket. The pocket had a hole in it and I trailed crumbs down their front steps like Hansel and Gretel. Our fifth meeting, at the end of March, was held over the phone. This was where we sealed the deal,
Mr Z reaching a very elegant crescendo where he sort of mimed shaking hands, except with words (he is amazing like that).

From March to April, Mr Z occasionally said: “The vicar’s very quiet,” and I’d go: “It’s fine, he’s a vicar and we’ve shaken hands with words; we’re effectively blood brothers.”

The reason I don’t mention his wife’s job, incidentally, is not that she didn’t have one, nor that I’m trying to protect their anonymity (although, I guess, ethics and that), but because, when a couple completely stiff you – in the nicest possible way – in the middle of a pandemic and one of them is a vicar, the natural assumption is that it was the not-vicar’s idea. Just on feminist grounds, though, I am unwilling to blame Lady Macbeth here. Let’s just say that the idea to risk their excellent names for a higher offer was both of theirs.

Of course all’s fair in love, war and house deals. But the upshot was that we fetched up at the start of May with no buyer or seller, back where we had started – except with eight weeks of intense cohabitation behind us, in a house that was already too small to accommodate five people who never went out (three of whom kept getting bigger) and in the middle of which time a ceiling had fallen down.

It was not a whim, our house hunting. It was the culmination of many months’ meticulously made and brutally unmade plans. Everyone else, though – everyone else has gone bananas. You can’t decide to move house in the middle of a pandemic, you doughnuts! There is so much you don’t know and so much you can never know – and so much of what you think you want, you only want because you have just lived through a lockdown.

The story in London is that places are flying off the shelves – unremarkable, not-cheap houses, landing on the market, then vanishing off it, like streakers across a football pitch. My Mr thinks these are the sudden-realisation-of-futility buyers. Something has made them hate their work – maybe working from home, maybe not seeing colleagues, maybe not doing it at all. Whatever, they can’t do it for much longer and they need to nail down a mortgage while they still have a salary. “But … seems a bit high risk,” I counter. “You’re just going to end up with a massive mortgage you have to stay in your horrible job for.” To which he simply nods with a gnomic expression that I read as: “Heed me.”

Who needs to be central when there’s nothing happening? Who needs great transport links to empty offices? Where do you want to be when civilisation ends?

According to estate agents, building societies and people who look at the bigger picture, the real story is that of urban exodus. Everyone is leaving London, in particular, because it has turned into the French car of cities. The downsides are incredibly obvious to everyone and the upsides only visible to a very few aficionados. Who needs to be central when there is nothing happening? Who needs great transport links to empty offices? Where do you want to be when civilisation ends? Near an independent water supply and some arable land, or a tube station and an Oliver Bonas?

Again, short-sighted, maybe even more so than the first lot. People are trying to make a 20- or 30-year decision based on things that may not last past 2020. Or maybe they will. Who knows? By 2021, the “new normal” may have clarified into a phrase with meaning, rather than an annoying tic for people who constitutionally hate saying: “I don’t know.” But it does seem a rum time to move to Rutland. Unless you had already found a vicar there, before all this, who wanted a house swap.

Gardens have turned into the swimming pools of the era, untold luxuries that it is audacious even to wish for. I wonder, long-term, whether we will thank ourselves for that urgent bit of forward planning that put you in proud possession of a poky patch with just enough sun between 11 and 12 to grow a fern. All the stuff we need to know – What will happen to the economy? How many lockdowns can a species take? – is beyond the reach of any expert. All the questions are existential. But even vicars think they can find the answer on Rightmove.
Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
Charlie Kirk's murder will break the left's hateful cancel tactics
Kash Patel erupts at ‘buffoon’ Sen. Adam Schiff over Russiagate: ‘You are the biggest fraud’
Homeland Security says Emmy speech ‘fanning the flames of hatred’ after Einbinder’s ‘F— ICE’ remark
Charlie Kirk’s Alleged Assassin Tyler Robinson Faces Death Penalty as Charges Formally Announced
Actor, director, environmentalist Robert Redford dies at 89
The conservative right spreads westward: a huge achievement for 'Alternative for Germany' in local elections
JD Vance Says There Is “No Unity” with Those Who Celebrate Charlie Kirk’s Killing, and he is right!
Trump sues the 'New York Times' for an astronomical sum of 15 billion dollars
Florida Hospital Welcomes Its Largest-Ever Baby: Annan, Nearly Fourteen Pounds at Birth
U.S. and Britain Poised to Finalize Over $10 Billion in High-Tech, Nuclear and Defense Deals During Trump State Visit
China Finds Nvidia Violated Antitrust Laws in Mellanox Deal, Deepens Trade Tensions with US
US Air Force Begins Modifications on Qatar-Donated Jet Amid Plans to Use It as Air Force One
Pope Leo Warns of Societal Crisis Over Mega-CEO Pay, Citing Tesla’s Proposed Trillion-Dollar Package
Poland Green-Lights NATO Deployment in Response to Major Russian Drone Incursion
Elon Musk Retakes Lead as World’s Richest After Brief Ellison Surge
U.S. and China Agree on Framework to Shift TikTok to American Ownership
London Daily Podcast: London Massive Pro Democracy Rally, Musk Support, UK Economic Data and Premier League Results Mark Eventful Weekend
This Week in AI: Meta’s Superintelligence Push, xAI’s Ten Billion-Dollar Raise, Genesis AI’s Robotics Ambitions, Microsoft Restructuring, Amazon’s Million-Robot Milestone, and Google’s AlphaGenome Update
Le Pen Tightens the Pressure on Macron as France Edges Toward Political Breakdown
Musk calls for new UK government at huge pro-democracy rally in London, but Britons have been brainwashed to obey instead of fighting for their human rights
Elon Musk responds to post calling for the murder of Erika Kirk, widow of Charlie Kirk: 'Either we fight back or they will kill us'
Czech Republic signs €1.34 billion contract for Leopard 2A8 main battle tanks with delivery from 2028
USA: Office Depot Employees Refused to Print Poster in Memory of Charlie Kirk – and Were Fired
Proposed U.S. Bill Would Allow Civil Suits Against Judges Who Release Repeat Violent Offenders
Penske Media Sues Google Over “AI Overviews,” Claiming It Uses Journalism Without Consent and Destroys Traffic
Indian Student Engineers Propose “Project REBIRTH” to Protect Aircraft from Crashes Using AI, Airbags and Smart Materials
French Debt Downgrade Piles Pressure on Macron’s New Prime Minister
US and UK Near Tech, Nuclear and Whisky Deals Ahead of Trump Trip
One in Three Europeans Now Uses TikTok, According to the Chinese Tech Giant
Could AI Nursing Robots Help Healthcare Staffing Shortages?
NATO Deploys ‘Eastern Sentry’ After Russian Drones Violate Polish Airspace
Anesthesiologist Left Operation Mid-Surgery to Have Sex with Nurse
Tens of Thousands of Young Chinese Get Up Every Morning and Go to Work Where They Do Nothing
The New Life of Novak Djokovic
The German Owner of Politico Mathias Döpfner Eyes Further U.S. Media Expansion After Axel Springer Restructuring
Suspect Arrested: Utah Man in Custody for Charlie Kirk’s Fatal Shooting
In a politically motivated trial: Bolsonaro Sentenced to 27 Years for Plotting Coup After 2022 Defeat
German police raid AfD lawmaker’s offices in inquiry over Chinese payments
Turkish authorities seize leading broadcaster amid fraud and tax investigation
Volkswagen launches aggressive strategy to fend off Chinese challenge in Europe’s EV market
ChatGPT CEO signals policy to alert authorities over suicidal youth after teen’s death
The British legal mafia hit back: Banksy mural of judge beating protester is scrubbed from London court
Surpassing Musk: Larry Ellison becomes the richest man in the world
Embarrassment for Starmer: He fired the ambassador photographed on Epstein’s 'pedophile island'
Manhunt after 'skilled sniper' shot Charlie Kirk. Footage: Suspect running on rooftop during panic
Effective Protest Results: Nepal’s Prime Minister Resigns as Youth-Led Unrest Shakes the Nation
Qatari prime minister says Netanyahu ‘killed any hope’ for Israeli hostages
King Charles and Prince Harry Share First In-Person Moment in 19 Months
Starmer Establishes Economic ‘Budget Board’ to Centralise Policy and Rebuild Business Trust
France Erupts in Mass ‘Block Everything’ Protests on New PM’s First Day
×