London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Wednesday, Dec 03, 2025

Phillip Schofield announcement: How it feels when your partner comes out as gay

Phillip Schofield's decision to come out as gay has been widely praised, but thoughts have also focused on his wife of 27 years, Stephanie.

He said she had been "incredible" in her support, although acknowledged "the hurt that I am causing to my family".

But like coming out, discovering your husband is gay can also be incredibly difficult, say women who have been in similar situations.

"You doubt everything you've ever believed in your life," says one woman who found out her husband was gay six years ago.

Caroline - who did not want to be identified - still lives with her husband of 18 years for the sake of their four children, but she says that she is "in a hurry" for when they can sell the house and live apart.

"We get on really well as a family," she says. "As a couple, it's destroyed our relationship.

"We do still do family things, we go to the cinema, we will have family meals.

"But I do go through my stages where I feel the hurt and betrayal more than at other times. And the life I had planned is gone."

Caroline says she knew there was "something seriously wrong in her marriage" but did not know what until she discovered - by accident - an email showing he had been meeting up with other men.

"When I found that email and when he told me parts of his story that he did share, that was like little pieces of a puzzle falling into place," she says.

"Most of the time I feel sorry for the future we had together. But at the same time I don't really resent him; it's a truth about him, it's not a choice.

"I do think he made a choice to make me part of his cover story so that hurts, but I accept it's not something he could have changed."

Comedian Sarah Bowles, 54, had been married seven years when she first started having suspicions that her then-husband might be gay.

For religious reasons the couple had waited until marriage before they had sex and Sarah says they "had moments where we were very happy".

"He was a handsome man. Many people said I had it all," she says.

Sarah, from Kings Cross in London - who three years ago was even interviewed by Phillip Schofield on This Morning about the issue - says her suspicions were first raised when she found gay pornography and numbers on telephone bills.

Later, it was through her volunteering work with the Samaritans helpline where, as a telephone counsellor, she had conversations with gay, married callers and noticed parallels with her own husband.

"They all described what their whole life was like and how they would get time away from the family. I realised that was what was happening in my house."

Sarah says she worked it out just before her husband was outed by someone who had been blackmailing him.

"It was a really, really gentle way of finding out," she says. "If I'd just been startled [with the information], I suspect I would have had a breakdown."

After realising, she says: "I was like, now it makes sense. And I was very worried about my husband's mental health.

"The truth was I did still love him. My main concern was that he would be OK."

Sarah says she is now "at peace with what happened" and enjoying her comedy career by "taking the mick" out of the situation.

Amy, 33, who lives near Belfast, was married for six years when she found out in 2017 - by seeing a Facebook message - that her ex-husband had been having a relationship with another man.

She says: "I took myself out for a drive, I went to a friend's house for a few hours then I went back. He left the house that evening."

In later conversations with him, Amy learned that he had known he was gay but he felt as if the feelings were "wrong".

She says: "If they leave you for another man, [you think] he couldn't possibly have ever loved me, he couldn't have ever found me attractive.

"Anyone experiencing feelings like these need to be encouraged to acknowledge them and not enter into a life that they cannot maintain long term. That's not healthy for them or the people around them.

"It's not wrong to be gay but it is wrong to lie and deceive people."


'Second-guess yourself'


Broadcaster and psychotherapist Lucy Beresford says the impact on the relationship depends on how the information is revealed - for example, whether it is the gay person sitting their partner down, or whether it's discovered through cheating.

"Either way, it's going to turn your world upside down," she says. "When something emotional happens you often do want to turn to your partner to help you, but yet if it's your partner, that can make you feel very lonely and isolated.

"It can make you second-guess yourself, how didn't I spot this, how could I not see the signs. There's a lot of self-doubt.

"Your self-esteem can be affected. You're in a sense being rejected, but not to do with anything to do with who you are."

Lucy advises couples to keep communicating.

"You will have lots of questions and issues to talk about. I would suggest the partner who has this news seeks some emotional support themselves."

And she says it is possible in some circumstances to maintain a friendship, but both partners need to be "open and honest" and pay attention to "what feels most authentic to them".

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
UK Plans Major Cutback to Jury Trials as Crown Court Backlog Nears 80,000
UK Government to Significantly Limit Jury Trials in England and Wales
U.S. and U.K. Seal Drug-Pricing Deal: Britain Agrees to Pay More, U.S. Lifts Tariffs
UK Postpones Decision Yet Again on China’s Proposed Mega-Embassy in London
Head of UK Budget Watchdog Resigns After Premature Leak of Reeves’ Budget Report
Car-sharing giant Zipcar to exit UK market by end of 2025
Reports of Widespread Drone Deployment Raise Privacy and Security Questions in the UK
UK Signals Security Concerns Over China While Pursuing Stronger Trade Links
Google warns of AI “irrationality” just as Gemini 3 launch rattles markets
Top Consultancies Freeze Starting Salaries as AI Threatens ‘Pyramid’ Model
Macron Says Washington Pressuring EU to Delay Enforcement of Digital-Regulation Probes Against Meta, TikTok and X
UK’s DragonFire Laser Downs High-Speed Drones as £316m Deal Speeds Naval Deployment
UK Chancellor Rejects Claims She Misled Public on Fiscal Outlook Ahead of Budget
Starmer Defends Autumn Budget as Finance Chief Faces Accusations of Misleading Public Finances
EU Firms Struggle with 3,000-Hour Paperwork Load — While Automakers Fear De Facto 2030 Petrol Car Ban
White House launches ‘Hall of Shame’ site to publicly condemn media outlets for alleged bias
UK Budget’s New EV Mileage Tax Undercuts Case for Plug-In Hybrids
UK Government Launches National Inquiry into ‘Grooming Gangs’ After US Warning and Rising Public Outcry
Taylor Swift Extends U.K. Chart Reign as ‘The Fate of Ophelia’ Hits Six Weeks at No. 1
250 Still Missing in the Massive Fire, 94 Killed. One Day After the Disaster: Survivor Rescued on the 16th Floor
Trump: National Guard Soldier Who Was Shot in Washington Has Died; Second Soldier Fighting for His Life
UK Chancellor Reeves Defends Tax Rises as Essential to Reduce Child Poverty and Stabilise Public Finances
No Evidence Found for Claim That UK Schools Are Shifting to Teaching American English
European Powers Urge Israel to Halt West Bank Settler Violence Amid Surge in Attacks
"I Would Have Given Her a Kidney": She Lent Bezos’s Ex-Wife $1,000 — and Received Millions in Return
European States Approve First-ever Military-Grade Surveillance Network via ESA
UK to Slash Key Pension Tax Perk, Targeting High Earners Under New Budget
UK Government Announces £150 Annual Cut to Household Energy Bills Through Levy Reforms
UK Court Hears Challenge to Ban on Palestine Action as Critics Decry Heavy-Handed Measures
Investors Rush Into UK Gilts and Sterling After Budget Eases Fiscal Concerns
UK to Raise Online Betting Taxes by £1.1 Billion Under New Budget — Firms Warn of Fallout
Lamine Yamal? The ‘Heir to Messi’ Lost to Barcelona — and the Kingdom Is in a Frenzy
Warner Music Group Drops Suit Against Suno, Launches Licensed AI-Music Deal
HP to Cut up to 6,000 Jobs Globally as It Ramps Up AI Integration
MediaWorld Sold iPad Air for €15 — Then Asked Customers to Return Them or Pay More
UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer Promises ‘Full-Time’ Education for All Children as School Attendance Slips
UK Extends Sugar Tax to Sweetened Milkshakes and Lattes in 2028 Health Push
UK Government Backs £49 Billion Plan for Heathrow Third Runway and Expansion
UK Gambling Firms Report £1bn Surge in Annual Profits as Pressure Mounts for Higher Betting Taxes
UK Shares Advance Ahead of Budget as Financials and Consumer Staples Lead Gains
Domino’s UK CEO Andrew Rennie Steps Down Amid Strategic Reset
UK Economy Stalls as Reeves Faces First Budget Test
UK Economy’s Weak Start Adds Pressure on Prime Minister Starmer
UK Government Acknowledges Billionaire Exodus Amid Tax Rise Concerns
UK Budget 2025: Markets Brace as Chancellor Faces Fiscal Tightrope
UK Unveils Strategic Plan to Secure Critical Mineral Supply Chains
UK Taskforce Calls for Radical Reset of Nuclear Regulation to Cut Costs and Accelerate Build
UK Government Launches Consultation on Major Overhaul of Settlement Rules
Google Struggles to Meet AI Demand as Infrastructure, Energy and Supply-Chain Gaps Deepen
Car Parts Leader Warns Europe Faces Heavy Job Losses in ‘Darwinian’ Auto Shake-Out
×