London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Thursday, Jul 09, 2026

Phillip Schofield announcement: How it feels when your partner comes out as gay

Phillip Schofield's decision to come out as gay has been widely praised, but thoughts have also focused on his wife of 27 years, Stephanie.

He said she had been "incredible" in her support, although acknowledged "the hurt that I am causing to my family".

But like coming out, discovering your husband is gay can also be incredibly difficult, say women who have been in similar situations.

"You doubt everything you've ever believed in your life," says one woman who found out her husband was gay six years ago.

Caroline - who did not want to be identified - still lives with her husband of 18 years for the sake of their four children, but she says that she is "in a hurry" for when they can sell the house and live apart.

"We get on really well as a family," she says. "As a couple, it's destroyed our relationship.

"We do still do family things, we go to the cinema, we will have family meals.

"But I do go through my stages where I feel the hurt and betrayal more than at other times. And the life I had planned is gone."

Caroline says she knew there was "something seriously wrong in her marriage" but did not know what until she discovered - by accident - an email showing he had been meeting up with other men.

"When I found that email and when he told me parts of his story that he did share, that was like little pieces of a puzzle falling into place," she says.

"Most of the time I feel sorry for the future we had together. But at the same time I don't really resent him; it's a truth about him, it's not a choice.

"I do think he made a choice to make me part of his cover story so that hurts, but I accept it's not something he could have changed."

Comedian Sarah Bowles, 54, had been married seven years when she first started having suspicions that her then-husband might be gay.

For religious reasons the couple had waited until marriage before they had sex and Sarah says they "had moments where we were very happy".

"He was a handsome man. Many people said I had it all," she says.

Sarah, from Kings Cross in London - who three years ago was even interviewed by Phillip Schofield on This Morning about the issue - says her suspicions were first raised when she found gay pornography and numbers on telephone bills.

Later, it was through her volunteering work with the Samaritans helpline where, as a telephone counsellor, she had conversations with gay, married callers and noticed parallels with her own husband.

"They all described what their whole life was like and how they would get time away from the family. I realised that was what was happening in my house."

Sarah says she worked it out just before her husband was outed by someone who had been blackmailing him.

"It was a really, really gentle way of finding out," she says. "If I'd just been startled [with the information], I suspect I would have had a breakdown."

After realising, she says: "I was like, now it makes sense. And I was very worried about my husband's mental health.

"The truth was I did still love him. My main concern was that he would be OK."

Sarah says she is now "at peace with what happened" and enjoying her comedy career by "taking the mick" out of the situation.

Amy, 33, who lives near Belfast, was married for six years when she found out in 2017 - by seeing a Facebook message - that her ex-husband had been having a relationship with another man.

She says: "I took myself out for a drive, I went to a friend's house for a few hours then I went back. He left the house that evening."

In later conversations with him, Amy learned that he had known he was gay but he felt as if the feelings were "wrong".

She says: "If they leave you for another man, [you think] he couldn't possibly have ever loved me, he couldn't have ever found me attractive.

"Anyone experiencing feelings like these need to be encouraged to acknowledge them and not enter into a life that they cannot maintain long term. That's not healthy for them or the people around them.

"It's not wrong to be gay but it is wrong to lie and deceive people."


'Second-guess yourself'


Broadcaster and psychotherapist Lucy Beresford says the impact on the relationship depends on how the information is revealed - for example, whether it is the gay person sitting their partner down, or whether it's discovered through cheating.

"Either way, it's going to turn your world upside down," she says. "When something emotional happens you often do want to turn to your partner to help you, but yet if it's your partner, that can make you feel very lonely and isolated.

"It can make you second-guess yourself, how didn't I spot this, how could I not see the signs. There's a lot of self-doubt.

"Your self-esteem can be affected. You're in a sense being rejected, but not to do with anything to do with who you are."

Lucy advises couples to keep communicating.

"You will have lots of questions and issues to talk about. I would suggest the partner who has this news seeks some emotional support themselves."

And she says it is possible in some circumstances to maintain a friendship, but both partners need to be "open and honest" and pay attention to "what feels most authentic to them".

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
Tech Pulse: The Future of AI and Screen Culture
Global News Briefing: Escalating Geopolitical Tensions and Corporate Shakeups
Global News Brief: Escalating Conflicts, Public Health Crises, and World Cup Drama
Rare Early Copy of US Declaration of Independence Found in British Archive
Cornish Language Revival Gains Momentum Through Schools and Community Programs
UK Authorities Face Criticism Over Prisoner Early Release Safeguards
Clacton By-Election Set After Nigel Farage Resigns Seat to Trigger Contest
Government Agencies Review Long-Term Fiscal Risks from Aging Population and Low Productivity
UK Heatwaves Expose Pressure on Public Transport and Housing Infrastructure
UK Government Prepares Welfare Review Amid Debate Over Personal Independence Payment Reform
UK Government Expands Rapid Endometriosis Testing Across NHS Services
Vistry Group Issues Profit Warning as UK Housing Market Faces Continued Pressure
Virgin Media Receives Record Twenty-Eight Million Pound Fine Over Contract Cancellation Failures
Office for Budget Responsibility Warns UK Public Finances Face Long-Term Pressure
UK Watchdog Warns Regional Income Gap Has Barely Narrowed in Three Decades
IMF Raises United Kingdom Growth Forecast as Inflation and Energy Pressures Ease
UK Government Launches Regulatory Reform Bill to Speed Up Commercialization of Innovation
Prince Harry Loses Privacy Lawsuit Against Daily Mail Publisher After High Court Rejects Claims
Federal Financial Framework Shifts as Treasury Launches Universal Savings Program for Minors
Jet2 Reports Strong Summer Travel Demand as Bookings Rise Seven Percent
Prince Harry Loses High Court Privacy Case Against Daily Mail Publisher
British Universities Warn Against Potential European Union Tuition Fee Changes
Heal Fertility Clinic Investigated After Embryo Biopsy Sample Mix-Up
Resolution Foundation Warns Regional Income Divide Has Barely Improved Since 1997
British Markets Remain Cautious as Middle East Tensions Rise and Government Transition Nears
Andy Burnham Poised to Become United Kingdom Prime Minister in Expected Political Transition
Nigel Farage Resigns as Member of Parliament Ahead of By-Election Amid Funding Investigation
Trump Declares Iran Ceasefire Over After Renewed Attacks on United States Bases
French Court Allows Le Pen to Run for Presidency, but with an Electronic Tag: "I Will Appeal, and I Will Run"
$1.4 Trillion: The Lawsuit That Could Crush Meta
Europe's Growing Struggle with Extreme Heat and Air Conditioning
UK Daily Briefing: Legal Developments and Social Issues
Political Turmoil and Rising Costs
Anthropic Reengineers Agentic Architecture to Shift Autonomous Workplace Automation to the Cloud
Logic Flaw in Windows 11 Permission Architecture Silently Consumes Hundreds of Gigabytes of Local Storage
Apple Advances Late-Stage Operating Systems with Fourth Beta Deployments
Global Crisis Alert: Escalating Middle East Tensions and UK Political Upheaval
UK Parliament Pushes for Greater Domestic Control Over Critical Technologies
UK Parliament Warns Trade Fair and Exhibition Industry Is Losing Global Competitiveness
Police Launch Murder Investigation After Mother and Two Children Found Dead Near Bedford
British Chambers of Commerce Survey Shows Business Confidence Falls to Post-Pandemic Low
UK Parliament Report Warns Britain Risks Falling Behind in Artificial Intelligence Sovereignty
Office for Budget Responsibility Warns United Kingdom Faces Long-Term Fiscal Pressures
Nigel Farage Resigns as Member of Parliament Amid Financial Scrutiny and Triggers By-Election
Deep Purple Has Released Its Best Album in Decades
UK MPs Criticise Student Loan System as Potentially Mis-Sold to Millions of Borrowers
Policy Groups Propose Bank of England-Backed Solar Loan Scheme for Millions of Homes
UK Health Agency Issues Amber Heat Alerts Across Six Regions as Temperatures Rise
Royal Air Force F-35 Jets Conduct First High North Air Policing Missions From Aircraft Carrier
Major UK Companies Join Government Cybersecurity Pledge Amid Rising Digital Threats
×