London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Monday, Oct 06, 2025

Horny dogs: what can Boris Johnson do about his pet Dilyn’s romantic urges?

Horny dogs: what can Boris Johnson do about his pet Dilyn’s romantic urges?

It’s important to remember that dogs don’t hump things only for sexual reasons – it could be that they are overexcited, attention-starved or have a bladder infection

Name: Horny dogs.

Age: Since the first time a dog humped a caveperson’s leg.

Appearance: Scruffy, shaggy-haired, prone to following their basest urges to the detriment of everyone around them.

That reminds me of someone ... hold on a minute. This is absolutely, definitely not about a famously scruffy, shaggy-haired person. It is about the fact Boris Johnson has got a very horny dog.

Has he? Very. During a trip to Guildford this week, Johnson forlornly revealed that he has trouble reining in his dog’s “romantic urges”.

His dog has romantic urges? Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. Talking to a police dog handler, he exclaimed: “My dog is endlessly … on people’s legs.”

What a bad dog. You might have heard of this dog before. Not so long ago, reports emerged that Johnson’s dog had caused carnage at Chequers by mounting just about anything it set its eyes on.

I recall … It got so bad that Carrie Johnson was forced to angrily rebut claims that Johnson’s dog was so unstoppably horny, she was considering getting rid of it. “There has never been a happier, healthier and more loved dog than our Dilyn,” she wrote.

Wait, so this is actually about a dog? Yes, of course it is. I’ve been saying “Boris Johnson’s dog” all this time. What on earth did you think I was talking about?

Doesn’t matter. Anyway, this isn’t the first time that Dilyn has made the news. His lack of discipline once became so pronounced that Johnson reportedly cried: “Somebody please shoot that fucking dog!” at a moment of high stress. He apparently isn’t house trained, either.

Dilyn? Yes, of course Dilyn. What’s got into you today?

Never mind. Anyway, horny dogs can be a real headache for their owners, but it’s important to remember that dogs don’t only hump things for sexual reasons.

Oh really? Not at all. They hump for any number of reasons. It could be that they’re overexcited, or attention-starved, or to relieve stress and anxiety, or maybe it means they have a bladder infection.

Is there any way to discourage a horny dog? Oh, lots. You need to make sure that they’re getting enough exercise, and remove any objects around the house that might trigger bouts of stress. Or you could force them to stop and reward their good behaviour with a treat. It won’t happen overnight, of course, and there’s a chance that it might not work at all.

In which case you should probably just vote him out. What? You can’t vote Dilyn out, he’s a dog. What is it with you today?

Do say: “Perhaps it would be better if he were neutered.”

Don’t say: “Not sure what to do about Dilyn, though.”

Comments

Angela 4 year ago
Well the dog's advice in that picture, and of course he says it with love, is that Boris maybe needs to be getting that umbrella up as he leads the queen to make those unconstitutional decisions, or he might be on to to wife #, what is it now....hmmm...four or five.

Love, the Dog

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
Three Scientists Awarded Nobel Prize in Medicine for Discovery of Immune Self-Tolerance Mechanism
OpenAI and AMD Forge Landmark AI-Chip Alliance with Equity Option
Munich Airport Reopens After Second Drone Shutdown
France Names New Government Amid Political Crisis
Trump Stands Firm in Shutdown Showdown and Declares War on Drug Cartels — Turning Crisis into Opportunity
Surge of U.S. Billionaires Transforms London’s Peninsula Apartments into Ultra-Luxury Stronghold
Pro Europe and Anti-War Babiš Poised to Return to Power After Czech Parliamentary Vote
Jeff Bezos Calls AI Surge a ‘Good’ Bubble, Urges Focus on Lasting Innovation
Japan’s Ruling Party Chooses Sanae Takaichi, Clearing Path to First Female Prime Minister
Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Sentenced to Fifty Months in Prison Following Prostitution Conviction
Taylor Swift’s ‘Showgirl’ Launch Extends Billion-Dollar Empire
Trump Administration Launches “TrumpRx” Plan to Enable Direct Drug Sales at Deep Discounts
Trump Announces Intention to Impose 100 Percent Tariff on Foreign-Made Films
Altman Says GPT-5 Already Outpaces Him, Warns AI Could Automate 40% of Work
Singapore and Hong Kong Vie to Dominate Asia’s Rising Gold Trade
Trump Organization Teams with Saudi Developer on $1 Billion Trump Plaza in Jeddah
Manhattan Sees Surge in Office-to-Housing Conversions, Highest Since 2008
Switzerland and U.S. Issue Joint Assurance Against Currency Manipulation
Electronic Arts to Be Taken Private in Historic $55 Billion Buyout
Thomas Jacob Sanford Named as Suspect in Deadly Michigan Church Shooting and Arson
Russian Research Vessel 'Yantar' Tracked Mapping Europe’s Subsea Cables, Raising Security Alarms
New York Man Arrested After On-Air Confession to 2017 Parents’ Murders
U.S. Defense Chief Orders Sudden Summit of Hundreds of Generals and Admirals
Global Cruise Industry Posts Dramatic Comeback with 34.6 Million Passengers in 2024
Trump Claims FBI Planted 274 Agents at Capitol Riot, Citing Unverified Reports
India: Internet Suspended in Bareilly Amid Communal Clashes Between Muslims and Hindus
Supreme Court Extends Freeze on Nearly $5 Billion in U.S. Foreign Aid at Trump’s Request
Archaeologists Recover Statues and Temples from 2,000-Year-Old Sunken City off Alexandria
China Deploys 2,000 Workers to Spain to Build Major EV Battery Factory, Raising European Dependence
Speed Takes Over: How Drive-Through Coffee Chains Are Rewriting U.S. Coffee Culture
U.S. Demands Brussels Scrutinize Digital Rules to Prevent Bias Against American Tech
Ringo Starr Champions Enduring Beatles Legacy While Debuting Las Vegas Art Show
Private Equity’s Fundraising Surge Triggers Concern of European Market Shake-Out
Colombian President Petro Vows to Mobilize Volunteers for Gaza and Joins List of Fighters
FBI Removes Agents Who Kneeled at 2020 Protest, Citing Breach of Professional Conduct
Trump Alleges ‘Triple Sabotage’ at United Nations After Escalator and Teleprompter Failures
Shock in France: 5 Years in Prison for Former President Nicolas Sarkozy
Tokyo’s Jimbōchō Named World’s Coolest Neighbourhood for 2025
European Officials Fear Trump May Shift Blame for Ukraine War onto EU
BNP Paribas Abandons Ban on 'Controversial Weapons' Financing Amid Europe’s Defence Push
Typhoon Ragasa Leaves Trail of Destruction Across East Asia Before Making Landfall in China
The Personality Rights Challenge in India’s AI Era
Big Banks Rebuild in Hong Kong as Deal Volume Surges
Italy Considers Freezing Retirement Age at 67 to Avert Scheduled Hike
Italian City to Impose Tax on Visiting Dogs Starting in 2026
Arnault Denounces Proposed Wealth Tax as Threat to French Economy
Study Finds No Safe Level of Alcohol for Dementia Risk
Denmark Investigates Drone Incursion, Does Not Rule Out Russian Involvement
Lilly CEO Warns UK Is ‘Worst Country in Europe’ for Drug Prices, Pulls Back Investment
Nigel Farage Emerges as Central Force in British Politics with Reform UK Surge
×