London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Tuesday, Sep 16, 2025

Horny dogs: what can Boris Johnson do about his pet Dilyn’s romantic urges?

Horny dogs: what can Boris Johnson do about his pet Dilyn’s romantic urges?

It’s important to remember that dogs don’t hump things only for sexual reasons – it could be that they are overexcited, attention-starved or have a bladder infection

Name: Horny dogs.

Age: Since the first time a dog humped a caveperson’s leg.

Appearance: Scruffy, shaggy-haired, prone to following their basest urges to the detriment of everyone around them.

That reminds me of someone ... hold on a minute. This is absolutely, definitely not about a famously scruffy, shaggy-haired person. It is about the fact Boris Johnson has got a very horny dog.

Has he? Very. During a trip to Guildford this week, Johnson forlornly revealed that he has trouble reining in his dog’s “romantic urges”.

His dog has romantic urges? Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. Talking to a police dog handler, he exclaimed: “My dog is endlessly … on people’s legs.”

What a bad dog. You might have heard of this dog before. Not so long ago, reports emerged that Johnson’s dog had caused carnage at Chequers by mounting just about anything it set its eyes on.

I recall … It got so bad that Carrie Johnson was forced to angrily rebut claims that Johnson’s dog was so unstoppably horny, she was considering getting rid of it. “There has never been a happier, healthier and more loved dog than our Dilyn,” she wrote.

Wait, so this is actually about a dog? Yes, of course it is. I’ve been saying “Boris Johnson’s dog” all this time. What on earth did you think I was talking about?

Doesn’t matter. Anyway, this isn’t the first time that Dilyn has made the news. His lack of discipline once became so pronounced that Johnson reportedly cried: “Somebody please shoot that fucking dog!” at a moment of high stress. He apparently isn’t house trained, either.

Dilyn? Yes, of course Dilyn. What’s got into you today?

Never mind. Anyway, horny dogs can be a real headache for their owners, but it’s important to remember that dogs don’t only hump things for sexual reasons.

Oh really? Not at all. They hump for any number of reasons. It could be that they’re overexcited, or attention-starved, or to relieve stress and anxiety, or maybe it means they have a bladder infection.

Is there any way to discourage a horny dog? Oh, lots. You need to make sure that they’re getting enough exercise, and remove any objects around the house that might trigger bouts of stress. Or you could force them to stop and reward their good behaviour with a treat. It won’t happen overnight, of course, and there’s a chance that it might not work at all.

In which case you should probably just vote him out. What? You can’t vote Dilyn out, he’s a dog. What is it with you today?

Do say: “Perhaps it would be better if he were neutered.”

Don’t say: “Not sure what to do about Dilyn, though.”

Comments

Angela 4 year ago
Well the dog's advice in that picture, and of course he says it with love, is that Boris maybe needs to be getting that umbrella up as he leads the queen to make those unconstitutional decisions, or he might be on to to wife #, what is it now....hmmm...four or five.

Love, the Dog

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
U.S. and Britain Poised to Finalize Over $10 Billion in High-Tech, Nuclear and Defense Deals During Trump State Visit
China Finds Nvidia Violated Antitrust Laws in Mellanox Deal, Deepens Trade Tensions with US
US Air Force Begins Modifications on Qatar-Donated Jet Amid Plans to Use It as Air Force One
Pope Leo Warns of Societal Crisis Over Mega-CEO Pay, Citing Tesla’s Proposed Trillion-Dollar Package
Poland Green-Lights NATO Deployment in Response to Major Russian Drone Incursion
Elon Musk Retakes Lead as World’s Richest After Brief Ellison Surge
U.S. and China Agree on Framework to Shift TikTok to American Ownership
London Daily Podcast: London Massive Pro Democracy Rally, Musk Support, UK Economic Data and Premier League Results Mark Eventful Weekend
This Week in AI: Meta’s Superintelligence Push, xAI’s Ten Billion-Dollar Raise, Genesis AI’s Robotics Ambitions, Microsoft Restructuring, Amazon’s Million-Robot Milestone, and Google’s AlphaGenome Update
Le Pen Tightens the Pressure on Macron as France Edges Toward Political Breakdown
Musk calls for new UK government at huge pro-democracy rally in London, but Britons have been brainwashed to obey instead of fighting for their human rights
Elon Musk responds to post calling for the murder of Erika Kirk, widow of Charlie Kirk: 'Either we fight back or they will kill us'
Czech Republic signs €1.34 billion contract for Leopard 2A8 main battle tanks with delivery from 2028
USA: Office Depot Employees Refused to Print Poster in Memory of Charlie Kirk – and Were Fired
Proposed U.S. Bill Would Allow Civil Suits Against Judges Who Release Repeat Violent Offenders
Penske Media Sues Google Over “AI Overviews,” Claiming It Uses Journalism Without Consent and Destroys Traffic
Indian Student Engineers Propose “Project REBIRTH” to Protect Aircraft from Crashes Using AI, Airbags and Smart Materials
French Debt Downgrade Piles Pressure on Macron’s New Prime Minister
US and UK Near Tech, Nuclear and Whisky Deals Ahead of Trump Trip
One in Three Europeans Now Uses TikTok, According to the Chinese Tech Giant
Could AI Nursing Robots Help Healthcare Staffing Shortages?
NATO Deploys ‘Eastern Sentry’ After Russian Drones Violate Polish Airspace
Anesthesiologist Left Operation Mid-Surgery to Have Sex with Nurse
Tens of Thousands of Young Chinese Get Up Every Morning and Go to Work Where They Do Nothing
The New Life of Novak Djokovic
The German Owner of Politico Mathias Döpfner Eyes Further U.S. Media Expansion After Axel Springer Restructuring
Suspect Arrested: Utah Man in Custody for Charlie Kirk’s Fatal Shooting
In a politically motivated trial: Bolsonaro Sentenced to 27 Years for Plotting Coup After 2022 Defeat
German police raid AfD lawmaker’s offices in inquiry over Chinese payments
Turkish authorities seize leading broadcaster amid fraud and tax investigation
Volkswagen launches aggressive strategy to fend off Chinese challenge in Europe’s EV market
ChatGPT CEO signals policy to alert authorities over suicidal youth after teen’s death
The British legal mafia hit back: Banksy mural of judge beating protester is scrubbed from London court
Surpassing Musk: Larry Ellison becomes the richest man in the world
Embarrassment for Starmer: He fired the ambassador photographed on Epstein’s 'pedophile island'
Manhunt after 'skilled sniper' shot Charlie Kirk. Footage: Suspect running on rooftop during panic
Effective Protest Results: Nepal’s Prime Minister Resigns as Youth-Led Unrest Shakes the Nation
Qatari prime minister says Netanyahu ‘killed any hope’ for Israeli hostages
King Charles and Prince Harry Share First In-Person Moment in 19 Months
Starmer Establishes Economic ‘Budget Board’ to Centralise Policy and Rebuild Business Trust
France Erupts in Mass ‘Block Everything’ Protests on New PM’s First Day
Poland Shoots Down Russian Drones in Airspace Violation During Ukraine Attack
Brazilian police say ex-President Bolsonaro had planned to flee to Argentina seeking asylum
Trinidad Leader Applauds U.S. Naval Strike and Advocates Forceful Action Against Traffickers
Kim Jong Un Oversees Final Test of New High-Thrust Solid-Fuel Rocket Engine
Apple Introduces Ultra-Thin iPhone Air, Enhanced 17 Series and New Health-Focused Wearables
Macron Appoints Sébastien Lecornu as Prime Minister Amid Budget Crisis and Political Turmoil
Supreme Court temporarily allows Trump to pause billions in foreign aid
Charlie Sheen says his father, Martin Sheen, turned him in to the police: 'The greatest betrayal possible'
Vatican hosts first Catholic LGBTQ pilgrimage
×