London Daily

Focus on the big picture.
Tuesday, Jul 22, 2025

Rishi Sunak comes across as Mr Clean, but I’ve got his number

Rishi Sunak comes across as Mr Clean, but I’ve got his number

Ambitious, on-message and fundamentally well brought up, for the chancellor it is surely only about the maths

Despite all the carnage, leaks and resignation letters currently oozing out of No 10, Rishi Sunak somehow remains clean. Not popular exactly – not even that nice, given the soaring energy bills to come in the spring. Yet he’s still starchily authoritative, like a pharmacist.

In the last two years, I’ve hoarded my Rishi rations (the pandemic self-employment grants the government gave qualifying freelancers) and pondered his lean, debt-assassin appeal. Every time I see him on TV I say out loud: “Rishi! You’re such a good boy! Yes – a GOOD BOY!” I convince myself he doesn’t want to be PM. I think he wants to be chancellor for ever. He literally just wants to do maths homework, all day, every day.

He married a billionaire because she’s into maths too – like, numbers with lots of zeros at the end – and maths is the glue that holds a relationship together. He will never cheat on you or, if he does, it’ll be with a very hi-tech calculator. No, what am I talking about? Rishi can do complex arithmetic in his head. At the risk of leaning into racial stereotypes, he is literally every boy I was at school with: clever, clean-cut, ambitious, on-message, well brought up, serious and nice.

He also reminds me of every global one-percenter who ever messaged my rich, clever, petite, exotic, beautiful alpha friend Maya on Hinge: “Hi, I work in global cyber security, just spent three weeks talking corporate responsibility at a retreat in Mexico, really great conversations, looking good Maya, love the photos, let’s connect and find some synergy.”

Piling on the agony
The Observer’s agony aunt, Philippa Perry.


There’s been a huge rise in online agony aunts and advice columns during the pandemic, with the ace novelist Marian Keyes launching a new one this month with Tara Flynn called Now You’re Asking via podcast with the BBC. You can never have too much advice and I’ll add Marian’s to my current big fave, Philippa Perry’s column in the Observer.

The classics of course were the American columnists E Jean Carroll and Irma Kurtz, who will always be the best, while my saltier formative Gen X voices of guidance were the brilliant Karen Krizanovich in Sky magazine in the 90s and the Mrs Mills etiquette column in the Times.

I was recently invited to audition as a potential agony aunt. I pitched the idea of Aunt Agony, the best kind of aunt being a spinster who has no nieces or nephews, serves her tea hot and her praise lukewarm, works a nice line in funky earrings and jazzy tops, delivers realtalk with a hint of menace and whose every answer, to every question, is: “He’s trash, they’re all trash, it’s nothing to do with you, drop it and run like hell.”

Fun is no human right
Taking deep breaths – an overrated pastime.


I’m appalled that there’s a new bestseller out called The Power of Fun, along with a whole movement based on the idea of a “funtervention”. Yes, like an intervention for an addict: an unpleasant and humiliating sudden ambush by your nearest and dearest, who confront you with your misery addiction.

Can we please drop the idea that happiness is a human right? Why do we have to enjoy ourselves all the time doing banal activities such as taking deep breaths and doing things for other people? We’re two-thirds of the way into a pandemic and we’re supposed to be trying to be happy? We should all just praise the gods that we’re not dead. There’s nothing wrong with feeling miserable if you are indeed living in miserable times.

Life is pain. Let’s just all watch Netflix until the world ends.

Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
US Treasury Secretary Calls for Institutional Review of Federal Reserve Amid AI‑Driven Growth Expectations
UK Government Considers Dropping Demand for Apple Encryption Backdoor
Severe Flooding in South Korea Claims Lives Amid Ongoing Rescue Operations
Japanese Man Discovers Family Connection Through DNA Testing After Decades of Separation
Russia Signals Openness to Ukraine Peace Talks Amid Escalating Drone Warfare
Switzerland Implements Ban on Mammography Screening
Japanese Prime Minister Vows to Stay After Coalition Loses Upper House Majority
Pogacar Extends Dominance with Stage Fifteen Triumph at Tour de France
CEO Resigns Amid Controversy Over Relationship with HR Executive
Man Dies After Being Pulled Into MRI Machine Due to Metal Chain in New York Clinic
NVIDIA Achieves $4 Trillion Valuation Amid AI Demand
US Revokes Visas of Brazilian Corrupted Judges Amid Fake Bolsonaro Investigation
U.S. Congress Approves Rescissions Act Cutting Federal Funding for NPR and PBS
North Korea Restricts Foreign Tourist Access to New Seaside Resort
Brazil's Supreme Court Imposes Radical Restrictions on Former President Bolsonaro
Centrist Criticism of von der Leyen Resurfaces as she Survives EU Confidence Vote
Judge Criticizes DOJ Over Secrecy in Dropping Charges Against Gang Leader
Apple Closes $16.5 Billion Tax Dispute With Ireland
Von der Leyen Faces Setback Over €2 Trillion EU Budget Proposal
UK and Germany Collaborate on Global Military Equipment Sales
Trump Plans Over 10% Tariffs on African and Caribbean Nations
Flying Taxi CEO Reclaims Billionaire Status After Stock Surge
Epstein Files Deepen Republican Party Divide
Zuckerberg Faces $8 Billion Privacy Lawsuit From Meta Shareholders
FIFA Pressured to Rethink World Cup Calendar Due to Climate Change
SpaceX Nears $400 Billion Valuation With New Share Sale
Microsoft, US Lab to Use AI for Faster Nuclear Plant Licensing
Trump Walks Back Talk of Firing Fed Chair Jerome Powell
Zelensky Reshuffles Cabinet to Win Support at Home and in Washington
"Can You Hit Moscow?" Trump Asked Zelensky To Make Putin "Feel The Pain"
Irish Tech Worker Detained 100 days by US Authorities for Overstaying Visa
Dimon Warns on Fed Independence as Trump Administration Eyes Powell’s Succession
Church of England Removes 1991 Sexuality Guidelines from Clergy Selection
Superman Franchise Achieves Success with Latest Release
Hungary's Viktor Orban Rejects Agreements on Illegal Migration
Jeff Bezos Considers Purchasing Condé Nast as a Wedding Gift
Ghislaine Maxwell Says She’s Ready to Testify Before Congress on Epstein’s Criminal Empire
Bal des Pompiers: A Celebration of Community and Firefighter Culture in France
FBI Chief Kash Patel Denies Resignation Speculations Amid Epstein List Controversy
Air India Pilot’s Mental Health Records Under Scrutiny
Google Secures Windsurf AI Coding Team in $2.4 Billion Licence Deal
Jamie Dimon Warns Europe Is Losing Global Competitiveness and Flags Market Complacency
South African Police Minister Suspended Amid Organised Crime Allegations
Nvidia CEO Claims Chinese Military Reluctance to Use US AI Technology
Hong Kong Advances Digital Asset Strategy to Address Economic Challenges
Australia Rules Out Pre‑commitment of Troops, Reinforces Defence Posture Amid US‑China Tensions
Martha Wells Says Humanity Still Far from True Artificial Intelligence
Nvidia Becomes World’s First Four‑Trillion‑Dollar Company Amid AI Boom
U.S. Resumes Deportations to Third Countries After Supreme Court Ruling
Excavation Begins at Site of Mass Grave for Children at Former Irish Institution
×